Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Chapter 1 continued...

I'm not quite sure how I'm going to do at this baby-making thing.  For one, I am totally paranoid that my crusty 37..almost 38 year old eggs, aren't up for the journey.  I just keep thinking how ironic it would be that, after bringing 3 beautiful babies into the world for people who weren't able to carry children of their own, that I would now have the same issue.  Secondly, I am not the most patient person in the world when it comes to these types of issues.  I mean, I have done 5 rounds of IVF during my surrogacy years, and it's pretty cut and have the embryos implanted, and then about 5 to 7 days later, you start peeing on a stick, and hopefully get to see a big freaking +.  Then about a a week later, you head to the Dr's office for a blood draw to tell you what your numbers are (this would be your quantitative HCG test to tell you if you are pregnant...number over 25 means yes, you are pregnant).  Then you go back in 2 days later for another (to tell you if your numbers are doubling like they should, which indicates yes, you are pregnant).  All of this is referred to as the 2 week wait.  Then in about 2 more weeks, you go in for an ultrasound and get a peek at the little one. 

Well, needless to say, I thought all of that was hard, but now that I am trying for a little one of my own, I am going out of my mind already.  I mean, I am only in the "you should be fertile now" phase, and dealing with all the logistics that I referred to in my last post, and my schedule, and the stress of will I get to be on call one night, and what if we miss my most fertile day, ect., and I am already going bonkers!!!!  I know that the Lord has a plan for us, baby or no baby, and I know it will all happen in his time, not mine, and I am trying really hard to leave it to him, but if you know me at all, you know how much of a planner I am, and how I don't do very well if I'm not in control of the situation. 

But for now, I guess, I am just in for a whole new week wait.  Sigh.

Thursday, May 20, 2010

Adventures in Babymaking Chapter 1....

Wow, long gone are they days when you decide you want to have a baby and you just get busy making one.  When you work nights like I do, and leave the house at 5:30pm, and don't get home until 8:30am, and your husband leaves the house at 6am, and gets home at 6pm, you can't even call it ships passing in the night (unless you count waving at each other on the highway).  I have a feeling that it is going to require planning equal to a top secret mission in order for us to get all the logistics right to be at the same place, at the same time, during the "right" time in order for us to be successful!  And there are so many "rules" that I never did when I was having babies when I was caffeine, no hot baths, no hot dogs, blah, blah, blah.  It is going to be very interesting to see how well I function on a 12 hour shift with no caffeine!  Let's just hope it's still as easy as it was all those years ago when all I had to do was think about getting pregnant...or not think about considering 2 of the 3 were "oops" babies....although I have a feeling my dusty, old eggs might have something to say about that!

Sunday, May 16, 2010

Almost There.....

We are just two weeks away from joining the "trying to get pregnant" club.  It seems like we have been waiting forever.  First we were going to start trying in January.  Then I decided we needed a little more time to prepare  (ie: pay bills off and save more money...of which we've made very little headway, since life seems to keep getting in the way).  Anyway, we are just two weeks away, and it seems like the time has flown by so quickly.  Now all the thoughts of morning sickness, heartburn, and aches and pains are starting to seep in and freak me out just a little.  Not that I am a stranger to any of these, since I am practically a professional childbirther, but the thoughts of wondering if I/we are really ready, are still there.  I wonder if one is ever really ready, but I know it all works itself out in the end.  Chad seems to think we will be pregnant within a month or two, but I am not so easily convinced, as I will soon be 38, and my eggs are probably on covered in cobwebs, and will need a walker to get from point A to point B.  After having three children of my own (when I was much younger), and doing 5 rounds of IVF to conceive 3 surro-kiddos, coupled with working on an antepartum unit, makes one way to knowledgeable about everything that can go wrong during the process.  I do however, have faith that it will all work out however it is meant to, and just have to accept that someone other than me is in charge.  Ready or not, parenthood, here we come again!