I love my job......

but I'll tell you, it sure freaks me out about having another baby! I had three healthy children...with uneventful pregnancies. Then I had a surrogate pregnancy, which was also uneventful. That was followed by another surrogate journey, that included a miscarriage that shook me to the core. It was devastating because it was totally foreign to me....this is not what my body does. My body delivers healthy babies. After the miscarriage, 2 more surrogacy journeys followed resulting in two beautiful and healthy boys. Being involved in the surrogacy world, you learn what can happen...miscarriages before most people even know their pregnant, blighted ovums, ect. Now that we're thinking of having another child of our own, working on an antepartum unit has me totally freaked out about it(not to mention the blogging world)!

We all "know" that women can die in childbirth, even before and still afterwards, but I think unless you have it in your face on a daily basis, you forget about it, or think "nope, we've come too far for that to still be happening", because I know I did. But unfortunately, it still happens. Sitting in a Women's Center class yesterday, one of the instructors, who happens to also work on L&D comes in and asks if any of her L&D people can go to work after the class because it's crazy up there. Then another instructor proceeds to tell us a mom has coded. Those are almost the absolute worst words you can ever hear. You get the worst feeling in the pit of your stomach as you know that there is a mom who will never hold her baby, a baby that will never smell his mother or hear her loving voice outside of the womb. You know that there is a husband who has lost his wife, but has to somehow hold it together for this new life she brought into the world.

I'm a true believer in "when it's your time to go, it's your time to go." I believe when you have completed what God meant for you to do here in this life, you go onto the next. I don't understand why it happens in ways that it does, and I know it's not ever easy to lose a loved one. It just makes the thought of childbirth and pregnancy so scary for me, even though I have done it 6 times already! We are ready and willing to take these chances though, to hold a precious baby in our arms. They are more than worth every chance we take to get them here, but it is a scary thought for me. Let's hope I can hold it together if and when I get pregnant, without becoming a complete basket case....and if you have an extra minute in your day, say a prayer for this poor family who must now mourn and celebrate.